Having better sex
You may be having good sex, but it can always be better. Kelly Baker give some tips.
But here’s the deal: no matter how sensational your love life already is, it can always get that teeny bit better.
And if it’s a tad on the ordinary side, it can be totally transformed. Here’s how.
Step Out of your Comfort Zone
It’s all very well to assume that all of your make-out sessions will culminate in wild, fabulous sex, but for most of us that just isn’t the case. If you want your love life to really fire up then you need to keep things spicy.
One of the simplest ways to do that is by trying something brand-spanking new. Jo Karabin, managing director of Pash, a party plan company that specialises in all things sexy, recommends you give something novel a go every 28 days.
“Changing the dynamic and doing something different at least once a month helps to inject the fun back into your relationship,” Karabin says.
“It doesn’t have to be anything you’re not comfortable with. It can be as simple as wearing sexy lingerie. Trying something new might sound pretty obvious, but trust me, it works.”
Tonight I will: Try something I’ve never, ever tried before.
Forget About the Big Bang
It’s easy to get overly focused on the end result. That’s fine, but it can diminish the pleasure involved in getting there.
Those who are familiar with the Kama Sutra, the ancient Indian guide to super sex, will know that one of the simplest ways to get around that is by slowing up the action every now and again.
“Take a break and engage in other sensual and sexual activities, and then resume intercourse again,” says Al Link, co-author of The Complete Idiot’s Guide To Supercharged Kama Sutra (Alpha Books).
“Your pleasure and your intimacy will increase dramatically.”
Tonight I will: Stay in the moment and enjoy every second.
Let Your Mind Go
Sometimes our sex lives are so on fire it’s difficult not to bore everyone with every sordid detail.
Sometimes they’re, well… dull. The good news is that you can almost always turn the latter into the former, with very little effort. All you need to do is engage your brain and indulge in the odd fantasy or three.
“The more you fantasise, the higher your libido,” says Tracey Cox, sex expert and author of the Hot Sex series (Bantam).
“It’s pretty well established that the more you think about sex, the more you want it. That makes fantasies the cheapest, most effective sex aid around. Even better, they’re tailor-made to suit the user.
We can turn them on and off at will and they introduce variety into our sex lives without the complication and devastation of real-life affairs.”
Tonight I will: Let my imagination run wild.
Set the Scene
It would be great if we could summon up the desire for knee-trembling, heart-thumping sex on a daily basis. Unfortunately, life isn’t like that. The truth is that much of the time we’re so busy dealing with all sorts of other stuff that sex doesn’t get a look in.
“Worry, stress, the ring of a telephone, the pitter-patter of tiny feet – they all have the powers of inhibition equal to a cold spoon and the presence of your parents in the next room,” says Dr Martien Snellen, author of Sex & Intimacy After Childbirth (Text Publishing).
Why not commit to a regular time during which neither of you has to deal with any of those things? Once a week, get a babysitter, turn off the computer and take the phone off the hook. Then start getting it on.
Tonight I will: Deal with all distractions so I can focus on love, love and more love.
Look after your body
Did you realise that being fit and healthy means your libido will thrive? And that’s not the best bit, says Dr Andrew Goldstein, co-author of Reclaiming Desire (Rodale).
“When you’re physically healthy, you have multiple options in the sexual positions you use and in the intensity you are comfortable with while making love,” Dr Goldstein says. “The more varied your sexual encounters are, the more interesting and fun they can be, and the more desirable sex becomes.”
Tonight I will: Commit to getting fit and healthy – because it’ll be worth it.
Bringing sexy back
• Some people find it easy to get in the mood for sex. The word ‘yes’ is aphrodisiac enough for them. For others however, it’s not so instant. That’s why setting a night aside for sex can help, particularly as you’ve got the whole day to get yourself in the mood. Here are some top tips to set the scene.
• Reminisce. Spend some time thinking about some memorable events in your sexual history – and plan ways to make this evening something to remember.
• Bedtime stories. Find some raunchy novels and immerse yourself in the hot prose.
• Eye spy: we’re pretty visual us humans, so a good love scene in a movie can really serve to put us in the mood. Whether it’s the pure romance of the pottery scene in Ghost, the walk-on-the-wild-side notion of Secretary or a classic like The Postman Always Rings Twice, a good film can really help set the scene. Or if you need something more raunchy go on-line for a more x-plicit film guide.
• Visual cues: Just like you’d prepare for an evening on the town, prepare for an evening between the sheets. Set up candles, have the room tidy and fresh, shower before-hand and dress up in preparation for dressing down.
• Time for something completely different. Switch things up. If you normally make love at night, in the dark, try getting it on in the morning. Or jump out of bed and try the couch instead (locking the door first if you share the house!).
• Sweet sounds: Putting a soundtrack to your lovemaking can help pump up the volume. Whether it’s a retro twist with the Knack’s My Sharona, Ravel’s Bolero or a bit of classic Barry White helping you to ‘get it on’, music can help rouse the sexy beast.
